


White Knuckles

by BlaiddDrwg1982



Series: This is the Soundtrack of Our Life [31]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek Deserves Nice Things, Derek is too hard on himself, Dreamscapes, Eternal Sterek, Ghost Talia Hale, M/M, Some Fluff, Song fic, Stiles is Nice Things, That Damn Radio, talking with the dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 05:18:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12624099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlaiddDrwg1982/pseuds/BlaiddDrwg1982
Summary: “I’m afraid I’m going to hurt him. More than anything. He’s resourceful. Smart. Brave. Kinda klutzy. He’s kind Mom. Like…really kind. You’d like him.”She smiled.“I love him for bringing the light back to my boy’s eyes. Do you remember the story I told you about the two wolves we carry within ourselves?”He nodded his head.“The one who rules us is the one we feed.”“Oversimplified, but yes. But it isn’t your wolf you’re afraid of hurting him is it?”Tears filled his eyes as he shook his head.“Every time I try…I get it wrong Mom. I can’t get it wrong this time. He’s…he’s what anchors me. Keeps me tied to my humanity.”





	White Knuckles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FiccinDylan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/gifts), [paintedrecs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintedrecs/gifts), [midnightselphie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightselphie/gifts), [literaryoblivion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/literaryoblivion/gifts), [groovyger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/groovyger/gifts), [Lidil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lidil/gifts), [denelian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/denelian/gifts), [Mulder200](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mulder200/gifts).



> I do not own the characters. I do not own the song. Characters are courtesy of Teen Wolf. The song...oh man oh man this song.
> 
> I heard it live, and acoustically recently. I love it. It's a beautiful and powerful piece.
> 
> Song: White Knuckles  
> Artist: Tegan and Sara  
> Album: Love You To Death
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X03fLkFHzVM

Over time, Derek had finally figured out a way to commune with his mother’s spirit, without requiring Peter to take on her claws and stab him in the neck. When there was a casual conversation to be had, it was difficult wanting to have it if it meant a massive literal pain in the neck, and the risk that Peter may start retaining memories of the conversations Derek was having with Talia. 

He did his best to avoid bothering her, knowing full well that he needed to be looking towards his future to live his life, rather than looking back and dwelling in the past. There were times, however, that he felt the only person he could talk to was his mother. Cora was family…and alive…but was worse with emotions than he was. 

“I am guessing there is a good reason you called me Derek?”

Her tone was gentle, but tired. Strangely, being dead STILL left you tired late at night. 

“I’m in trouble Mom.”

Smiling, she shook her head.

“I expect nothing less from you my son. What is it this time?”

Derek looked down at his hands and sighed. The landscape shifted and they were sitting out at the nemeton.

“I think I’ve fallen in love with someone.”

Talia’s face softened in understanding. Sitting beside him on the stump, the scenery shifted again. This time it was the Stilinski’s living room. Talia smiled warmly.

“Is it the boy you talk about sometimes?”

Derek nodded his head. 

“You know I would never care if you loved men or women, as long as you’re being true to yourself right?”

Derek chuckled and shook his head. THAT wasn’t the part he was having trouble with.

“It isn’t that part Mom. He’s human.”

Talia’s smile didn’t diminish in the slightest.

“I trust you are getting to your concern?”

Even as a child Derek took forever to get to his point when he was dealing with his feelings. Sighing, he merely shook his head.

“I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want him to get hurt because of me.”

In the background, unbidden, scenes from his past, surrounding and concerning Stiles started to play out. Talia watched some of what he was talking about play out in front of her. Squeezing her son’s hands in the Dreamscape.

“I was concerned about that with your Father. He was human when I met him, but the solution to our problem was the Bite. I get the sense that you do not want him to take the Bite just for this. What are you most concerned about? That he will be hurt because of you? Or that he will be hurt by you?”

Derek sat in silence.

“I’m afraid I’m going to hurt him. More than anything. He’s resourceful. Smart. Brave. Kinda klutzy. He’s kind Mom. Like…really kind. You’d like him.”

She smiled.

“I love him for bringing the light back to my boy’s eyes. Do you remember the story I told you about the two wolves we carry within ourselves?”

He nodded his head.

“The one who rules us is the one we feed.”

“Oversimplified, but yes. But it isn’t your wolf you’re afraid of hurting him is it?”

Tears filled his eyes as he shook his head.

“Every time I try…I get it wrong Mom. I can’t get it wrong this time. He’s…he’s what anchors me. Keeps me tied to my humanity.”

_My life tethered like_   
_Like a twin or a sun_   
_Scared to be severed right_   
_Right before we'd begun_

Talia smiled at her son, shaking her head. Wrapping an arm around his broad shoulders, she placed a kiss on his temple.

“In these matters Derek, it isn’t a fight against the two sides of your nature. You have to embrace it. Embrace it all. Your Humanity and your Wolf. You are Derek Hale. Second born to Talia Hale and her only Son. You are a Werewolf. These are all facts. And the sooner you stop fighting them…trying to separate them…you need to embrace them. Reconcile them.”

_Doubled like a couple, we stood_   
_Stood out in the light, light_   
_Clutching each other like_   
_Knuckles turned white, white_

Derek shook his head.

“I don’t know how.”

_I cried wolf_   
_Howled it at the moon_   
_So, luck be damned_   
_Break that mirror in two_

Talia stood up, looking to the full moon that was rising in the clearing.

Turning back to him, her eyes glowing red as blood. 

_I made us feel_   
_Feel unlucky too_   
_So, luck be damned_   
_Break that mirror in two_

“Stop running.”

Derek awoke with a gasp in his loft, tears still wet on his face. Looking out the window, the full moon was rising. Swinging his feet off the bed, he sat up and looked down at the living room where Stiles was stretched out on the couch, hand marking his place in the “Theories of Law Enforcement,” text book he was reading for the hundredth time. 

Even from here Derek could see the purpling bruise that was developing on Stiles’ cheek, courtesy of a psycho Omega who would no longer terrorize Beacon Hills. Looking at his own chest, all that remained of the fight was some tenderness in his ribs, and the dried blood that wasn’t his own. 

_Our love twisted up_   
_Like a chain or an eight_   
_We square angles that_   
_That always will ache_   
_Excuses for the bruises we wear_   
_Black and blue night, night_   
_Breaking each other like_   
_Knuckles in a fight, fight_

Moving into the washroom, Derek started the shower, peeling off what few rags he was still wearing after their patrol in the woods. He would never understand how he would always lose his clothes, but Stiles…only got beaten half or three quarters to death. 

Feeling the steam fill the room, he moved over to the sink.

_I cried wolf_   
_Howled it at the moon_   
_So, luck be damned_   
_Break that mirror in two_

Looking into the mirror, he saw the predatory glow of his wolf eyes reflecting back in neon blue. A constant reminder of what he’d done with the last person he truly loved. His mother always said they were still so beautiful to her. He felt like a monster. A loved monster. But a monster.

_I made us feel_   
_Feel unlucky too_   
_So, luck be damned_   
_Break that mirror in two_

Screaming at his reflection, he lashed out, putting his fist clear through the mirror and into the medicine cabinet behind. Punching furiously with both hands, he didn’t realize he was screaming and sobbing until Stiles kicked in the locked bathroom door.

_Cry, cry wolf_   
_I don't know what this howling will prove_   
_Cry, cry wolf_   
_I don't know what I'm gon-, what I'm gonna lose_

Looking up at Stiles, pain written across his face, not from the mirror, or the wall behind it. He could see the injuries that Stiles was feeling. Because of another Werewolf. Because of the world that followed him like his shadow.

_Cry, cry wolf_   
_I don't know what this howling will prove_   
_Cry, cry wolf_   
_I don't know what I'm gon-, what I'm gonna lose_

Stiles ran into the washroom, ignoring the glass that cut into his bare feet and cut at him through his sweats.

“Derek. What's wrong?”

Taking Derek’s shaking hands in his own, he carefully started picking out the glass that Derek’s healing ability was trying to close around. Holding his hand firmly, the way you would with an animal who was injured, he wasn’t letting Derek take his hand back. There was tenderness to his voice. So much more than he felt he deserved.

“What did you see?”

_I cried wolf_   
_Howled it at the moon_   
_So, luck be damned_   
_Break that mirror in two_

“A monster Stiles. I saw a monster.”

_I made us feel_   
_Feel unlucky too_   
_So, luck be damned_   
_Break that mirror in two_

“Then I guess I’m lucky I have you here to protect me. And you’ve got me here to take care of you.”

_Cry, cry wolf_   
_I don't know what this howling will prove_

“I was the monster Stiles.”

_Cry, cry wolf_   
_I don't know what I'm gon, what I'm gonna lose_

“You’re not a monster Derek. Not to me.”

_Cry, cry wolf_   
_I don't know what this howling will prove_

In a voice that sounded tiny, and lost.

“Then what am I?”

Stiles pulled the last of the glass from his knuckles. Watching at the still red blood was reabsorbed, and the skin healed itself, Stiles kissed it gently.

_Cry, cry wolf_

“Don’t you know?”

_I don't know what I'm gon,_

“You’re my hero.”

_What I'm gonna lose_

"And I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> Gifted and dedicated to the people who keep me sane, and make me want to keep writing. Either by chilling with me on Twitter, or through the comments fields here. Hopefully it's a worthy offering. :-)


End file.
